So as I sat down with a butter soaked bagel and a chilled orange juice this morning, I found my puffy, sleep crusted eyes (lovely image) staring at the TV taking in the fashion section of the fairly popular – with those who get up early enough and have nothing to do – Lorraine lifestyle show on ITV. If you have never heard of this show before you are either: not from the UK, one of those who do not have time to watch lifestyle talk shows in the morning because you’re too busy getting on with life or you don’t have a TV.
So on this show they apparently have a fashion section, where a man named Mark discusses ‘celebrity style steals’ and ‘Get Before It’s Gone’ discounted buys. Most of it was just interesting enough that I didn’t change over (although I barely had enough energy to speak, so getting the remote might have been a bit too much for me) meaning I was actually watching when I was enlightened by the Illusion dress. There were only two outfits that were deemed exciting enough to be displayed on hired models this morning. One was an interesting sleeveless top with a sheer…hmmm…extended blouse/skirt/cape thing that went down to the model’s calfs. With this one, they obviously knew that the only way they could show that this outfit wouldn’t look stupid on a real human being was by bringing in a lovely woman to show it off. The other outfit was the Illusion dress.
Mark beamed brightly as he welcomed in the show stopper, the last dress to impress the audience with his fashionista aptitude for picking the best outfits. In came a blonde grinning woman, who was actually a good representation of the common woman’s size, wearing a white and grey Illusion dress. Now it’s hard to explain what an Illusion dress looks like so I will show you:
Now unfortunately I couldn’t find the exact dress so use your imagination. This dress had the same white sides but a grey textured centre. There we go – easy!
Now before the model came out they showed the dress on screen in front of a white background. As a result, the illusion worked. BUT, on a real woman…it really doesn’t.
As Mark went on about the startling success of this optical trick, all I could notice was…well…the rest of the woman’s body. Like the arms and legs that sprouted out of the white ‘nothingness’ and the obvious outline of the supposedly absent part of her body. I mean of course it obviously wouldn’t be a perfect optical illusion, but if that’s the case then in my opinion they shouldn’t have even made them. There is no point in buying a dress that is meant to make you sport a different shape when the only time it comes close to working is when you’re in a nightclub where you can barely see and suffering from drunk squinty eye.
And I felt sorry for the model when Mark declared it gave the wearer the ‘perfect shape’, because she looked pretty healthy and toned to me and yet she still didn’t quite make it into Mark’s ‘perfect shape’ category. Of course, Mark is just a spokesperson in this situation who should have really thought before subtly insulting all the women who aren’t the clothing department’s mannequins, in the room. Think of it like this, those novelty macho t-shirts:
Imagine the chest image blocked out in white or black with a white background. I am fooled by that bare, muscular chest! His hips are clearly that narrow!
It just all seemed very stupid to me.
Now people can buy what they want, it’s a free world and I don’t ever want to police what people wear. I’m the sort of person who goes out rocking the androgynous look with a flare of fantasy and goth. In my opinion making fun of what someone is wearing is just being an asshole because you want to win laughs and popularity. Clothing is a way of self-expression. BUT I don’t have a problem with commenting on whether something does what it’s supposed to and the designers thinking behind it.
So that’s all for now and thank you for my first like from Atreya Thomas who writes about spiritual enlightenment. Not too sure why he crossed paths with my shittylittleblog but I’m happy for it all the same.